Bronto

Wake was on Wednesday. It was pretty rough...I think that was the first time it really set in that it wasn't fake or imaginary. I was half terrified, half relived that it was open casket. On the good side, it means it was smoke, not fire. Out of the choices, that is the better one. On the bad side, it made it that much more real...it looked like her, but not...
It took us a full hour and a half to get to the body, and the line didn't let up the whole night. I did get to see LT there, which was nice (horrible circumstances, but nice to see that someone else from Berlin was touched by Rhi)

Funeral was Thursday. It was packed...I'd say maybe 200 people, if not more. Most of us had to stand the entire time. And I won't lie...I've never laughed that hard at a funeral. The minister said "Her family told me that she was a great singer and dancer", and everyone laughed. Her older sister got up and said "No, what we said is she loved to sing. Not that she was good". Some of the stories people told...they just made me miss her more, wish that I had been there for all these stories. But I had my own stories with her.
Like when I met her at the Sox riots, her face painted, screaming her heart out.
Or when we were both behind the GSU and it was all ice, the only two back there. I slipped on the ice, and I heard her lauging. She came over as I was getting up, and pushed me back down, and grinned.
Or her 21st, where somehow she got my hat
Or three weeks later when we almost had to take her door off the hinges to get the hat back
Or seeing her out on the T that friday, asking if she was doing anything big that weekend.

Everything hit pretty hard thursday night, and I completely lost it for about an hour. It finally all sank in that...hey...this is real. She really isn't coming back. She won't be at Ashford, I won't get to hear her laugh or her singing...It all just became real so fast.

Elena sumed it up perfectly at the funeral...
"You always said how lucky we were that we were all friends. But it was us baby, who were the lucky ones."

Rhi, come back...k?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQrKj9fSfds

"I laugh out loud because it's the one thing I hadn't been trying"

To preface, the person this is directed to will never read this.

Let me make this abundantly clear to every person who ever looks at this: If you have a child, you do not play fucking games with their lives. They are not tools to get back at your ex-wife and ex-husband. You can't deny them heat because you are a petty 6 year old. They are not a way for you to assert your power over them. They are not something that you can brush off.

Take care of your fucking son before you don't have the luxury. Stop calling him a fucking liar and pay for his god damned surgery. Yes, insurance might cover it if he passed all 23 tests they're asking him to take over the next 6 months. Oh wait, he doesn't have 6 fucking months to wait. He has four. Stop calling him a liar because the cost of the surgery went up. You have the money, we all know you do. Stop being a fucking prick and TAKE CARE OF YOUR FUCKING SON.

Asshole.

Post office clerks put up signs saying position closed
And secretaries turn off typewriters and put on their coats
Janitors padlock the gates
For security guards to patrol
And bachelors phone up their friends for a drink
While the married ones turn on a chat show

And they'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Gentlemen time please, you know we can't serve anymore
Now the traffic lights change to stop, when there's nothing to go
And by five o'clock everything's dead
And every third car is a cab
And ignorant people sleep in their beds
Like the doped white mice in the college lab

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Telephone exchanges click while there's nobody there
The Martians could land in the carpark and no one would care
Close-circuit cameras in department stores shoot the same video every day
And the stars of these films neither die nor get killed
Just survive constant action replay

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Bill hoardings advertise products that nobody needs
While "Angry from Manchester" writes to complain about
All the repeats on T.V.
And computer terminals report some gains
On the values of copper and tin
While American businessmen snap up Van Goghs
For the price of a hospital wing

Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
The needle returns to the start of the song
And we all sing along like before
Nothing ever happens, nothing happens at all
They'll burn down the synagogues at six o'clock
And we'll all go along like before

And we'll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow

Dear BRUCE (Brucer, Bruciepooh, Uncle Brucie, Boobs, Brucey, Brucie Baby, Fuck Face, Brontosaurus, Burcie, Boobs-a-lot, and Zombie) :

On this, your must wonderful of days, you must sit down and remember all the good times of your life. Unfortunately, we can't think of any of these times that we spend with you. Sorry. Well maybe...that time...no. Maybe today...maybe. But its only cause we're all here (take a moment to look at all of us...Kodak Moment). All of these gifts just show how much we care about you, or rather that fact that we lead small and sad lives. Especially, Dave and Joe, they decorated the boxes. We hope that you will be able to find something to do with all these presents, feel free not to tell us what your gonna do with the contents of box number 3 (you will see, evil laugh MUAHAHAHAHA...sorry). Just to make sure that you well realize that this in fact the bestest of all the presents you should stop reading our FUCKING CARD AND OPEN THE BOXES...ASSHOLE...OK? Oh, and...Happy Birthday, from the Guyz.

The Guyz (just so you know):
Dave
Joe
Chris
Jordan






I love finding stupid shit like this laying around my room. Made a great couple of days a little better.

Sing alongs make life great, btw. I suggest them. Esp. when drunk. And singing about anarchy.


You'll get a real entry one day when I'm not so damn busy.

-Bruce

Alright...little bit early, but I just had one of the best nights/weekends of summer, and so I want to do this now.

This summer should have sucked. I was ready for it to. And it didn't. Me and Jessie were talking tonight, and it is completely true that things happen for a reason.

I got fired/quit last summer. It pretty much sucked. alot. Then, this summer, I really wanted to be bartending, or at the very least, in a resteraunt. I got the job at Billiards, and they screwed me over. I was pissed. Then I got tipped off for a lifeguarding job at sloper. And I took it. And it changed everything. I come away from this summer with some great new friends, a great experience...everything. I couldn't ask for more right now.
My friendship with Justin is over. And honestly, I'm okay with it. This isn't to say I'm happy about it, but I'm okay with it. In the end, it just hurt too much to keep going and keep trying and get nothing back. Sure, it screwed me up for a bit of the summer, but in the end, it made some of my other friendships even stronger. It showed me that some of those people were great friends who, truly, no matter what happens, will be there for me. Riccio, Ponte, thank you both. You have no idea what everything you did for me means.
I've reconnected with some friends. Some friends I thought were long gone. I've made some great new friends. I've gotten closer to some other friends.
Dont waste time feeling hurt
Weve been through hell together
Sometimes you have to do something again to realize that you missed it.

All in all, this summer ended up being amazing. I said I was done with Berlin...done with Connecticut. That isn't completely true. I'm done with many of the people. I'm done with the things that have tried to destroy me. But the people whom I love...those who have been there, and always will be...people like Jess, Jessie, Tricia, Ponte, Emily...everyone...I'll never be done with them. My new southington/sloper friends...I love 'em all. They're great, and we have a great time.

This summer was set up to be horrible. And had I focused on everything wrong, it would have been. But the good times become memories, and the bad times fade away like so many footprints.
Memories linger on
Its like a sweet, sad old song

I played a bit of "Remember when" tonight. Remember when we were stoned by the train tracks, listening to MLK in the rain? Remember when we did the senior class play? Remember when we almost got arrested in the cemetary? Remember all the long talks about nothing and everything...the laughs...the trips...the fights, the tears of joy, of sorrow, the games, the all nighters......the friends?

Yeah. I do.

For any of you who may one day own a business, here are some tips

First of all, if you are going to be closing in a week, don't interview and hire someone.
Second of all, once you do close, let that person know.



If anyone knows of a bartending or serving job, please let me know.

Okay, I've been posting entirely too much recently, but this is deserving.




that is all.

So tonight, I was out on the beach after I talked to my mom. It was downpouring, I was enjoying a cigarette, and blasting Copeland - Coffee, and started getting all nostalgic. Despite all of the set backs and stumbles of this year, I realized that it was a pretty damn good year. So here, I've decided to list some of the top memories. Please note that this list isn't complete, and I'm sure there is plenty I am forgetting. These are just what come to mind now.

We'll start at last summer. I'm not going to go into lots of detail, but the people who were involved will understand.

Anything goes. The summer show is always great. Despite all the stress and work and long days and sickness, it is always a great time with good friends...particularly the car wash.

Lifeguarding/lifeguard parties. What can I say...I love my coworkers. I'll miss them this year, but it was time to move on. What will I do without my yearly Cosmo/Vogue overdose? I don't even remember how many points a piece of bread is anymore!

Seeing Tricia bright and early at IHOP with Justin and Robert. A very special breakfast, a chance to harass Tricia for more coffee, and an excuse to drag my ass out of bed.

the beach. Beach trips are always fun. Big speeding tickets, on the other hand, are not. But it was worth it.

Justins grad party/BT's grad party. Both were amazing, and a great chance to hang out with some of the best people I know.

JEW/Greenday concert. A chance to hang out with Justin, AJ, Jay, and Kelley, my dad...a great concert. What more could you want?

Stonehill halloween mixer. I got to hang out with Tricia, which makes everything fun, and had a pretty good time at the dance

Michelles 21st. Party with my sister, who I love, the Northeastern boys, who are awesome, and some of the BU boys.

Copeland concert. Good friends, great concert.

BUSO with Elena. Great music, good conversation, getting caught in the rain.

BU Christmas party. Too much cheap wine, horrible gifts, great food (nana's rice anyone?) and all the kids...nicely dressed. Oh, and pushing a car up a hill.

Caroling at the bakery. A chance to have some kind of holiday at home, singing, and generally relaxing.

Cruise. Great people, family time, tons of alcohol, warm weather, and the worlds most depressing palm tree.

Bartending. I can make lots of drinks. I am happy.

Billy Joel with the family. Great concert, beer with the family. w00t!

Bruins games. Hanging out with my dad or sister, relaxing, watching the B's get their asses kicked.

Jello party with Leah. A chance to hang out with leah, and a chance to play in jello.

Japanica with both Jessie, then with Ponte. A chance to talk with two of my favorite people, and eat sushi.

Tokyo Sushi with michelle. Again, a chance to talk with my sister.

John. No one else will understand this, so I won't even try. Let's just say that this kid makes me excessively happy in all too many ways.

Rivs/Danandzanes. BU parties. What more do I need to say?

St. Patricks day. mmm.

Rocky Horror with Lauren, Carolyn, and Jessie. I don't even think they were that embarassed to be with me.

Poetry reading/random coffee things with Lauren, Jessie, Jess, Carolyn, Page, Molly, Tricia...any number of people and in countless arangements. DQ with Tricia is also up there.

All the random drives with so many people, and all the bonfires.

signing for my apartment

fixing alot of the problems that had been going on, and atleast having a shot at having my best friend back.

finding out just how many people actually care and support me in all kinds of situations, and can put up with all my shit.



Like I said, this list isn't complete...its 3 AM and I've been reading paradise lost all night. Way too much to think too much more now. If you have something that I left off, please leave it in a comment. I'd love to add it

I'm lucky to have all of you. Thanks for a great year.




-Bruce

I got yelled at for not writing in a long time. So I'll do it now, I suppose.

First off, I have an apartment for next year. Me, Walter, Mike, and Dan. Half hour walk to campus, but pretty big. I really can't wait to move in.

Got my schedule

that big block on tuesday is only half the semester.

Lots of reading and writing coming up.

home this weekend for easter, michelles driving us back up sunday.

Starting to look at summer concerts. Ozzfest is July 30th. There is a Coheed concert in Lowell on 5/16 with Avenged Sevenfold and Eighteen Visions. Brand New concert July 26th. Pearl Jam May 13. anyone up for going to any of these?

I really have nothing more to say. *shrug*

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following.
Go to your library.
Answer, no matter how embarrasing it is.

How many songs? 3469

Sort by artist
First artist: *NSync
Last artist: Zombie Nation

Sort by song title:
First Song: '97 Bonnie And Clyde - Eminem
Last Song: Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Welcome - The Offspring (9 sec)
Longest Song: Harry Potter Voice Over part 2 (1:18:32) (for actual songs, The Rite of Spring - Stravinsky (35:33)

Sort by album:
First Album: #1 R&B Hits 1965-1969 (Otis Redding)
Last Album: Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Apossibly - the Apex Theory

How many songs come up when you search for "sex"? 11

How many songs come up when you search for "death"? 64

How many songs come up when you search for "love"? 143

How many songs come up when you search for "you"? 401

How many songs come up when you search for "why"? 12

Top 5 Most Played Songs:
Nothing Better - Postal Service (67)
Sophomore Slump Of Comeback Of The Year - Fallout Boy (64)
The Quiet things That No One Ever Knows - Brand New (63)
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day (63)
Sic Transit Gloria...Glory Fades - Brand New and When Paula Sparks - Copeland tied at 58

Most Songs By an Artist (I'll give top 3):
Radiohead (98), Incubus (62), then Death Cab For Cutie (56)


alright, not much to say. I have a place to live next year. Rockin'. I'm not failing any classes (yet) and over half way done with one of them. Thank fucking god. I can't take much more of this fucking sped class.

In other news, Laura D is the best ever and Kate S rocks. hardcore.

someone decided that since I'm up and bored and listening to bad music (Music change long before the end, so that is a good song. no yelling at me), that I should update. So I will. partly out of spite.

Lots of shit going on. So we'll start with my last entry and move forward.

Sandy (the woman who helped me with my woodstock project) died from complications due to cancer. Great woman, who impacted me quite a bit. I intend on keeping my promises to her, and continue to make the changes that I need to.

Things have been fixed. That is a huge huge relief. you have no idea. Well, some of you might, but damn. yeah. It's good.

Got back to school, complete with "grandmas birthday present" (a bottle of rum my parents wrapped so I could sneak it in and out)
Classes so far are good. Linguistics is kinda boring so far, but not tons of work, and the prof is a hot italian chick, so I have no problem having sex with her for an A. or even a B. Brit lit, what can I say...the literature itself is tough (we're onto Chaucer, so middle english), and its slow, but the prof is cool. She wants us to read the Wife of Baath through the eyes of S&M. Insinuated that she "rode a horse well" and winked. No need to explain that, i hope. Special ed. pretty much sucks. The guy has assigned 3 essays in 2 weeks, and its only 2 credits. Completely not worth it, but I have to. The guy also gives some bad info, which I'm too lazy to correct. Shakespeare, I actually really like. Adam is in my class again, which is chill. We related Romeo to the creepy guy at a party who just wants ass. Prof liked it. Lots of people in multiple classes with me (not surprising, there are maybe 20 english ed majors, and maybe 50 english...we see eachother alot. this is the 5 and 6th class one kid has been in with me.)

I finished bartending classes. I am now certified to serve alcohol. I think I might work at the Paradise, which leah will understand. Free drinks leah? haha. But seriously, I need a job.

Been going to the gym m/w/f since I don't have classes. yay for physical motivation on lazy days.

we looked at apartments, found 2 good ones. DC's parents come up saturday, and mine will look sunday. Then maybe we'll know if we have a place to live?! its gonna be me, mike, walter, and dan. Maybe in Gullys place.

OH! PJ is clear of cancer. I owe him shots for that. I really am so happy for him and my sister and all their friends.

My uncle, on the other hand....yeah. Haven't heard anything yet, so maybe that is a good thing? *shrug*

been chilling with everyone up here on the weekends. It is a rockin good time.

parents are up this weekend for billy joel concert. Then next weekend is pi lam jello party, then I have a 6 day weekend, so I'll be coming home (weekend of the 18th.) Spring break is the week of the 4th.

I think that covers it all...thank god I don't have class tomorrow.

And my bed smells like sweat. it has been way too hot up here.

by the way, if anyone wants to buy me Throne of Blood, I would gladly have sex with them. And if anyone wants the leaked Brand New demo tracks, I have them.

g'night all.

PS: the mood only says what it does because the picture is funny.

Edited because: Spelling is good.

so. I'm back from the cruise.

Can I please go back? It was so nice. Beautiful weather, no work to do, no issues, great people...

Talking with Chris and Michelle down there helped alot. They made me realize what I need to do, and that I just need to do it. Sorry, that was cryptic. But it will be done. Many of you probably already know what this is about, so if you want to know, just ask.

There were definatly some great people on the cruise. Alot that I wish were up in Boston with me...Namely Bryan and Chris. Within 5 minutes, Chris already knew what I was about, and I knew what he was about. Worked out great. Bryan, Sean, and Kelly all live down in Jersey, so we could probably work something out.

I miss my cruise friends already. and the free food. And the waiters. and drinks. and fun. and not all this bullshit.

Oh, and I don't want the snow. I prefer sand. And nice Jamaican guys walking the decks bringing me Corona poolside yelling "Sippin' time"

I have figured out what I want to change about myself right now. Not very different from what I was working on 4 years ago. So heres to take it further.

anyway, pictures will be up sooner or later. I need a camera cable first.

But I'm way too tired to write right now, so I'm out.

"And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving"

Alright...bored. sitting in the airport terminal. I've been awake officially since 4:30. I actually didn't sleep last night, so I've really been up since 2 yesterday.

But I have 2 red bulls and had coffee. And I'm watching Wondershowzen.

Atleast I will be in the caribbean in under 12 hours. I can not wait. Oh, and I'll be away from assorted Berlin bullshit. Always a bonus.

So I'm thinking BU party some time in January. Who's up for it? (I think Janelle is the only one who reads this. And she just scans for her name.)

Got to see ellen and page and jill last night. And patti. And others. And sing christmas carols. And drink with some kickass guards at the Super 8. We're clearly awesome.

By the way, Jessie and Jess, my parents said its cool if you guys want to stop by for new years.

anyway, I'm going to watch my horrible TV shows that will land me in hell.

And this was pointless.

Okay, so last night at dinner we were talking about who was going abroad and all that, and I mentioned that I was thinking of moving to either Ireland or Australia for a year or so and just getting some job there and living. Someone mentioned a different alternative, and I'm wondering what all you happy people think of it...

they suggested that I consider the Peace Corps. The deal is I would go live somewhere (I would probably do the Pacific Islands, Africa, or Latin America) for 27 months...just over two years. In that time, I would most likely be teaching English either to elementary level students, or to high school level students. Additionally, I could pick up whatever secondary projects I wanted (building a computer resource center, solar panels for cheap electricity...that kinda stuff).

I know I don't want to leave college, go to grad school, and begin my career. I want to see other places. Additionally, the reason (well, one of the reasons) I'm in education is to make some kind of difference in the world. Peace Corps would give me both of those oportunities, not to mention work experience and a second (and possibly third, depending where I went) language.

Now, for me, the major issue is that it is 27 months. Like any other job, you can take a vacation, but I really wouldnt be able to get home to see friends and family for those 27 months. Depending on where I was placed, I might have electricity, internet...that kinda stuff...but then again, I might not. There is mail, but in some of these locations, it can take over a month for a letter to arrive. One woman said 34 days was the fastest anything ever got there.

so what do you all think of this?

being an english major sucks because all classes must be registered for in person. Friggin webreg restrictions. Some people were lined up at 5 AM. I went at 12, and got both classes I needed. After sleeping through my first class. Sucks for the people who got up that early for no reason. anyway, this is my schedule:


tues/thurs sucks, but hey, I have 4 day weekends every week.

I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.
But I got a plan. Drink for forty days and forty nights.
A sip for every second-hand tick.
And for every time you fed me the line,
“you mean so much to me...”. I'm without you.
Tell all the English boys you meet about the American boy back in the states.
The American boy you used to date.
Who would do anything you say.

I have a paper I should be writing since it is due by 5 in the English department. I also have a presentation wed that I haven't started, and an exam on friday. And a shitload of reading to catch up on.

but I'm going to lunch instead.

Where to start

my grandparents are okay...I think. Last I heard still no power, but doing well. They sent me a check today.

Talked to jake today. It went well...I think. More or less. Few harsh words, but mostly patched up. He accepts that I'm probably right.

My floormate Fatma made my night. I was walking to take a shower, she was walking the other way, caught a glimpse of me in my towel, turned, stared, and walked away saying "Damn I love living on a co-ed floor". Ha.

Matt also made my night by saying "hey my sexy bitch" and giving me a pelvic thrust for a greeting. I love my floor.

Other news? not much. Cut my finger open. it hurts.

Sleeping over Rivs this weekend? maybe?
Definatly danturners.

which means more drunk dials to patti. w00t.

midterms went well...98 in music, 90 in major authors, 88 in american lit, 85 in anthro. Thats right, BU, you can take your grade deflation and shove it up your ass (I say this now. Wait for finals when I'm back to the middle of the curve and getting 60's)

next semester is looking pretty good. Hopefully, only tuesday/thursday...although, that will be 4 classes in a row. but 4 day weekend. *shrug* we shall see.

Everyone listen to Brand New. And blame mike for my current addiction.

So my grandparents are without power untill November 14th at the earliest. They ate most of the perishables the first two days, and a few take out places are open...my grandpa had the foresight to fill the car up before the storm. My aunt and uncle sent them batteries and some food, they have lots of bread stuff and canned foods.

my grandpa, in his ultimate stubbornness, tried to go out into the storm to save a screen from their windows. Luckily, his 100lb frame couldnt open the door. He would have been dead otherwise. But they did find the screen. *shrug*

My dad suggested that they drive to orlando where there is power and stay in a hotel. Right now, they don't want to. My grandma doesn't really get it. She thinks they're okay because they have a TV at their condo...she doesn't connect that it doesnt work without electricity, and TV is the least of her issues.

I guess her new meds make her sleep alot, which is good and bad. If she's sleeping, she's okay. But that also means that my grandpa has to deal with everything pretty much alone.

They did say that they would probably just fly up to CT instead of going to a hotel tho. I get the feeling that these "vacations" in connecticut may need to become permanent soon. Yay! MORE STRAIN FOR THE BROISMAN FAMILY! JUST WHAT WE FUCKING NEED! sorry, I'm done. Maybe. I don't make any promises.

It bothers me that me and jake haven't talked since I told him to fuck off. it just kinda hit me today. I think its because tricia told me that Mike Manchesi's brother died. I mean, Jake fully deserved what I said, and was completely out of fucking line, and I'm still pretty pissed about it. Very pissed, actually. But it still bothers me that the last words we said were "You can't fucking deal with reality, and you're taking it out on me" and "fuck off". I dunno. I don't take it back at all. I know I can't deal with reality right now. I don't need it pointed out to me during a fight, esp. in respect to what he was claiming, considering that is one of the few things that I CAN deal with reality with. But none the less,

It bothers me more that I haven't talked to justin in a while. alot more. More than it should. And I know that. Doesn't change it tho.

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want.
I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold.
A heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.


...Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed...

C'est la vie.

Alright, time for some positive. I'm doing well in school right now, so I'm happy about that. Reading is a bitch, but I'm getting it done. Friends here are great, and weekends fucking rock. This last friday in particular. We all got pretty shitty. Came back and chilled with Mike. He's a good guy.
Saturday I got felt up by "Dr." Riv. Sadly, thats the most action I've gotten this semester. And it was from a dude. And it was a "turn your head and cough". My friends are strange, and I love them for it. And pictures will be posted eventually.


Alright, I'm gonna crash I hope.

Okay...Berlin people in the Greater Boston area. Here is what I am thinking. There is a halloween midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Loews Harvard Square 5 Saturday Oct. 22.

I say we all get together, bring anyone else interested, and go see it together. Tickets can be bought at Fandango.com Let me know if you are interested. I would suggest getting tickets soonish as its a pretty popular thing to go see

Alright. It has been a week and a day since we had sun. The city is flooding a bit. And by a bit, I mean alot. So I am making the ( Boston Survival Kit )

alright...I came back to several messages asking for my list of 20 things. So I figure since I'm not doing anything and have about 100 things I should do, I'll procrastinate.

1. My roommates (Mike and Walter) are awesome.
2. The class I thought I would hate has become one of my favorite classes, while the class I thought I would love is the one I detest (Major Authors and American Lit, respectively)
3. I have come to live by the quote "Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around". Last weekend was the perfect example of this. When I was going home and had just got home, I didn't really want to be there because of alot of apprehension and fears. After driving around, going to the bakery, talking with Justin for a few minutes, finding something that could possibly work out to be awesome, and then going to Jessies and hanging out with her and jess with no pants on, I could not have had a better night.
4. My parents and sister are the most important people in my life. They have helped me through so much, and always know what I need to hear. I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people because of this.
5. Untill 11th grade, I never considered anyone to be a "best" friend. I'm still not sure if I believe in the term, but now consider two people (Justin and Tricia) to be my best friends. I consider both to be family.
6. (This one is for Jacob) I have no problem with those feelings not nessicarily being reciprocal. I know both consider me to be a good friend, and my feelings about them will always be what I feel, regardless of what "rank" I hold in their "hierarchy" of friends (to use his words)
7. For as much shit as me and Jake have put eachother through, particularly in the last year, we will always be there. And that is comforting. I guess I will add this on here, although it could go in a few places. I refer to two people as "kid". The odd thing is they mean completely different things and I have never assiciated them as being the same nickname. One is called kid because he reminds me of a goat, but used to punch me in the stomach when I would call him "goat boy". I also rarely use the term Kid when talking to him. the other gets the name for reasons that I wont go into here, but is my primary way of refering to him. Go figure. Also, it's not surprising that both remind me alot of the other, but are completely different in more ways that they are similar. Again, go figure.
8. I tend to do things that aren't the best for me because they will be good for others whom I care about. I do this alot.
9. Some people piss me off and will never get a second chance. Others will piss me off and get countless chances. Still others, I am uncapable of being mad at. It is part of my nature to forgive quickly. However, thanks to my sister, I do know how to stay angry when I need to.
10. I owe alot of who I became to a very small list of people. Two in particular. Laura D and Kate S. When I came into high school, these two gave me alot of the confidence I have in myself today.
11. "And momma, I've been crying because things aren't how they used to be. She said the battles almost won, and we're only several miles from the sun"-Interperet that as you will. Very few will fully understand what I mean, but hey, I like being cryptic.
12. I wish I could make people happy and make their time easier. Particularly people who are at college for the first time. But I firmly believe that they need to experiance this hard time in order to learn about themselves.
13. I love people very easily. But there are many levels of love. My family and 2 best friends are loved on a very different level from my closest friends, and even that is very different from my other assorted friends. That being said, I have never been "in love", as that is something I reserve to a very high level. That being said, no one level of love is better than the other, merely different. Even within each grouping, there are very big differences, for example my love for my father is hugely different from my love for my mother.
14. Music is my ultimate passion. Theater (more the tech side than acting) and friends each play a close second. Doing lighting for BCT has been (and will continue to be) one of my favorite things because it combines all three in a way that is impossible to describe, yet ultimatly amazing.
15. People, even those closest to me, fail to realize how observant I am. I tend to be a quieter person because I prefer to be a "watcher" and see what the people do, and understand why they do it. Saying certain things at certain times happens for a reason, and I am quick to pick up on these things. I, however, rarely bring my observations to the person they are about because I feel that me knowing things without that person telling me is unfair. This explains several of my actions to two people in particular over the past summer and past few months.
16. At times I am jealous of the people going to central with friends from home because I feel like I miss out on so much by not being there. With that being said, I am happy at BU. I do not think, however, that boston will ever replace Berlin as being my home.
17. I am very careful with my choice of how I phrase things to get across exactly what I mean. I rarely say something without a direct concept of how it will impact the person it is said to. This has gotten me into trouble and is one of the only reasons I have ever appologized for something I have done rather than appologising for the result of my actions, but supporting said actions.
18. If I had to do my life over again, I would not change a single thing because that have all made me who I am today. Changing one thing would change countless things following it. While I do not like all the paths my life has taken and all of my actions, I am proud of who I am, and would not change it.
19. While I have alot of self confidence, I am also very self conscious. I am a walking contradiction
20. For as much as I have changed in the last 5 or 6 years, there are still aspects of myself that are the same. Some I like, some I hate. the ones that I hate seem to be impossible to fully shake but seem to be constantly replaced by a new action to act out the feelings. The things I love seem to be fleeting.
I'm adding a 21.
21: I fucking love my (ex)coworkers. Being fired this summer really sucked, not because I liked the job (did any of us?), and I still have a hard time accepting that they are no longer my coworkers. We could sit at the pool on our worst days and joke about how messed up we all were and all of our problems and just feel better. We could also talk seriously about problems. When I came to work and felt like shit, they all helped to make me laugh and have a good time. And nothing tops the guard parties. I will really miss working at Percival with all of them. Where else do you have coworkers hook up, and turn it into making lists of the people we have hooked up with and comparing? Or paint a "my little pony" doll with nail polish? Or go from discussing the "hot british boys" to discussing religion and politics? I have never met such a diverse group of intelligent people who got along so well and truly enjoyed eachothers presence. And liked to bitch about how much our jobs sucked, even tho we didnt do anything.


Alright, that burned a few minutes. Maybe I'll write an actual entry soon, but we'll see.